If they act like a dickhead when you turn them down, don’t be too hurt, or surprised – they’re still MEN, after all. Seriously, though, most gay men have got better things to do than waste time and alcohol on converting you. Just joking your penis doesn't have magical powers. They find you so incredibly fascinating, as soon as they catch sight of you – and you’ll be instantly recognisable as a straight guy because you'll have a haircut everyone else had two years ago – they’ll swarm around you like Chanel-drenched bees. Gay, bi and trans men come in all shapes and sizes, but the one thing that unites them is you. Or it may well look just like your local. Or perhaps you’ll step into an opulent big-budget reinterpretation of a jewellery box, based on rejected designs for Coleen Rooney’s master bedroom. You may get a UV-lit, overly mirrored, joyless jizz dungeon with all the charm of a rusting fire escape. This means the quality of the decor can vary wildly, but is almost always horrid. The decorįor many years, most gay bar owners relied on the fact that for LGBT people, the most important thing of all is to be around like-minded people, whatever the surroundings. Pretty much everyone in there will look the same as anyone you might see down your local. Quick reminder before we go in, we’re not exhibits.
